A determined stepmom with a plan is unstoppable.

I am in the process of re-evaluating how I use Facebook. In doing so, I am moving most of my personal content back to my blog. If you want access to past or future posts, please send me a message.

Thanks!

Broken Angels

For the past 5 or so years, I have been knee-deep in affairs of young adults. I've carried them to practices, eaten meals with them, watched them compete, worshipped with them, prayed with them, sang music loudly in cars with them, taught them how to drive, carried them to doctor's appointments, curled their hair, and so much more. And today, I'm realizing that almost all of the young adults who have allowed me into their lives share one problem. They are all broken in some way. How did our generation raise a generation of broken people? Where did we go wrong and can we fix it? I have no words of advice. I'm seeking words of advice today. I'm looking for answers from young people. I'm wondering what we as parents could have or should have done differently to raise more confident, well-adjusted children? I'm not looking for answers which involve actions such as "they should have been home more". I'm looking for answers like "they should have seen that I was lonely" (if that is the case). Please share your thoughts in the comments. Thank you.

Sometimes, you have to do the work yourself

Compared to even just two years ago, I have changed, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. When faced with the choice, I have always wanted to do the right thing but years of conditioning following bad examples led me to rationalizing my bad decisions and verbally lashing out at people who harm or wish to harm me and my family. Taking an honest look at my tendencies was more like fighting a inner battle. There are certainly some things you can overlook, but when you are a parent, there are things you must deal with for the sake of your family. How do you do it and shine the light of Christ at the same time? That's a doozy of a tie-breaker question.

Have I handled everything in the past two years the way I should? Probably not everything, but through prayer, I am learning more every day and having my husband as an example has helped tremendously. But I do think I've come a long way. I don't take credit for that in any way, for I was born differently. I was born in an environment to parents who lashed out, both physically and verbally, as a rule. You could set your clock by it. You could always count on there being some reason to want to stay later at school than the rest of the kids. So, maybe I can give them some of the credit. Since a very early age, I did and do not want to be that way. And not being that way became a goal (some people have dreams, I had goals). For as long as I can remember, I have worked on who I am, not what I wanted to become or do with my life. It's no different than having a conscience that has weathered a 42-year steroid regimen. Mostly, though, I give God the credit for listening to my prayers.

You know, it's funny how, when you pray earnestly for all evil to be removed from your life, God answers you in ways you never expect. Sometimes, he removes people instead of quieting them. Sometimes, he convicts your own heart and leads you to repentance. Sometimes, he leads you to follow the example of another (such as my amazing husband). Sometimes, he tells you that you must actually do the work of removing the evil yourself. This doesn't just make me nervous, it challenges me to do what is right. He asks me to step out there and act justly, in a loving manner, with good intentions and a forgiving heart. He asks me to put aside my fears of being judged, wrongly accused, misunderstood (on the receiving end of the whip) and behave in a manner that garners his approval. He puts me on the spot and reassures me that I have everything I need in order to do it. Experience, prayer, support and the promises he makes to his good and faithful servants.

Yet I am ashamed. Because as awesome as his promises are, I want him to promise me that all will end the way I want it to end - with everyone shaking hands and becoming better people for having gone through it. And that is hardly ever the case. But there is one promise which supersedes them all. That is his promise to work together all things for good. I have to trust that if my intentions are misconstrued, if lies are spread, if friends are lost, there is a higher reason for it than satisfying my own need for a healthy environment. I have to believe that the Lord will use it to lead others to him, that through my discomfort, I might be a teacher, or if I am the student, I needed the lesson more than I need the peace that this world offers.

I try to remind myself that what matters isn't of this world. Oh, vanity of vanities! Today I set my eyes on heaven and let Him lead my steps. 

31 Days to A Christ Centered Life

Stay tuned!

31 Days to a Christ Centered Life

Tuesday at Ten - New Weekly Writing Series

As if I haven't learned my lesson yet, I am giving another writing series a try. Same conditions apply. Everyone knows and hopefully understands that the day I write about the prompt word will not most likely be the day I am supposed to write about it. At least, odds are likely that I'm going to miss a few at first. And that I am not writing to be the best at writing about the prompt word, but because I simply want to write. It's all about me. But if all goes well, my brain will become less like spaghetti and more organized like, say... corn on the cob...., and over time, I will remember Take the Trash Out Thursdays (where I remember to take the trash out so that the city sanitation department staff can be more effectively utilized).

It could happen.

Don't give up on me. God isn't through with me yet.

So this writing series is called Tuesday at Ten and it is organized by Karen Beth at her blog Finding the Grace Within. And today's prompt is "Time". (How appropriate, right?!?)

There is no time limit other than you have to link up by the end of the day. Follow the link above to get instructions on how to link up if you think you might want to join in on all of this overwhelmingly fun stuff!

-- TIME --

Why I wasn't born with the natural ability to manage my time without making lists, spreadsheets and pie charts, I have no idea. I have often said that I over-task instead of multi-task, which means that although I do lots of things, I don't do lots of things very well. It's been suggested that I slow down or prioritize my activities but everyone seems to have a different opinion on what is a priority.

The world will tell you to be sure you take time for yourself. For many of my friends, that means stopping to get a mani/pedi on the way home, or having the occasional girls' night out. While those things are indeed fun, I usually leave those activities feeling a little more stressed out than I did before. Why? Because I am entirely too thrifty and in my head, I have a list of things I need to pay for. A pricey dinner or a mani/pedi isn't even on the list.

So, the advice that usually follows that explanation is to take some time to do something solely for me that doesn't cost anything. The problem with that is that I see time as more valuable than money. If I am reading a book for four hours, I am missing time with my family. As a mom of a new college student, I am acutely aware of how quickly they grow up and how bittersweet it is to realize that those missed moments can't be pulled back and relived.

So, it sounds like I am living in a perpetual state of anxiety, doesn't it? Always running behind, chasing the money trail that leads to tranquility and peace? The answer is no. I was at one time and that got me absolutely nowhere. Always in fear of not paying the mortgage or breaking a promise to my child about some event I said we could go to. That was the old me. The new me sees with different eyes and I'm not sure what brought about the change, except that I have been through worse and I survived and I know that if I have to go through any of it again, I will be going through it as a butt-kicking home & family crisis expert that could write a book about it all.

If she had time.

Much of my anxiety of the past was from not understanding who I am and what makes me happy. Having a big house and being debt free is NOT going to make me happy. Coming home and piling up in front of the TV every night is NOT going to make me happy. Making a difference in the lives of others and making pretty things while having no regrets IS what makes me happy.

So I came to the conclusion that although I'm far from perfect when it comes to time management, as long as I am accomplishing these two things in some form or fashion, I can be anxiety-free.

My time nowadays is spent counting the sexy blue-eyed glances from my husband, the smiles of my kids (all of them), and the moments that make me proud to be a mom and wife. I find ways at work to provide value to my employer and I can see how I affect the bottom line. While growing my business, I meet new people and make new connections and learn more about living.

And I have more opportunities to be a positive example to others and to grow in Christ, which is my favorite way to spend my time.

I love where I've ended up and I do not regret the time it took to get here.

August 22 #FMF - Change

So, the previous week's #FMF prompt was "Change". Not sure what direction I'm going to go with this one. Let's see what happens.

5:00 begins now -----

Change is certain. People change. Lives change. Jobs change. Everything changes.

When we begin our lives, we are as ready for change as we will ever be. From that point on, sudden changes become harder and harder to accept. But all along, even if you find a way to never change, underneath it all, you are still changing.

You grow. You learn from your mistakes. You find better ways to do things. You witness change all around you and you see how change affects others, both positively and negatively. You absorb some of those changes and you implement them, even when you aren't aware you are changing.

None of us are the kids we used to be in high school. I doubt many of us are upset by that. When change comes naturally, it brings with it hope for a better tomorrow.

It's my personal spiritual belief that the reason we are here on this Earth is to prepare us to become the perfect spiritual beings we are going to be in heaven. We learn to purify our hearts and cleanse our souls of sin and evil influences.

Where would we be without change?

Catching up on #FMF - Five Minute Fridays

Well, it seems I have a little catching up to do but that was expected, wasn't it? After all, I knew coming into this self-willed commitment that I wouldn't be "all in". And isn't that how it should be when it comes to our communications with those outside of our immediate family? As I said when I started this, the consequences of failing to post my Five Minute Fridays on Fridays every Friday are quite tolerable. Because the consequences are zero. The benefits of doing it on whatever day I find the time to do it, however, are measurable. Priorities - God, family, others, self. More of Him, less of me.

Time is already ticking, so let's get on with it.

August 15th's #FMF prompt was TELL. I remember seeing this come across my Facebook timeline and I also remember that inside my head, I heard my brain sigh a little. It wasn't  a "haaaa" sigh. It was more of a "ooooooh" sigh. Because the word TELL is such a powerful word. So much to say about TELL.

5:00 starts now ------

Some have said that if those in your past wished you to write good things about them, they would have treated you differently. It's your story. Whatever has happened to you is part of you and to keep it a secret out of "respect" for others is a personal decision that you have to make. Yet, it is also a sacrifice because no one understands how the events of your past have changed you. And no one knows how the telling of your story can change the lives of others. If it brings embarrassment to others, perhaps it is because personal responsibility is tough to manage. You might get push back from others for telling your story. You might be accused (as I have) of passing out "guilt trips". What you tell others should be your story and how it has affected you. Keep it personal to you and your motives clean.

What if the apostles had refused to tell the story of Jesus for fear of offending the Jews? We all know that the apostles not only spread the news of Jesus, but they also did so under extreme duress. The consequences of telling the story of Jesus cost them their lives. But they told anyway.

What story do you need to tell?